


Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist

by benferris



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-02
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-12-10 04:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benferris/pseuds/benferris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson definitely doesn’t believe in love at first sight. Or soul mates, or any of that nonsense. The thing is though, Harry Styles has dimples and curls and stupid tattoos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist

Louis Tomlinson definitely doesn’t believe in love at first sight. Or soul mates, or any of that nonsense. The thing is though, Harry Styles has dimples and curls and stupid tattoos.

Louis works in a small café on the edge of central London while he struggles with dreams he can’t obtain, because his life is a cliché romance novel, with an extreme lack of any romance, or really just any of the good bits. Louis can’t really remember how his life went from high school student and part time barista to full time barista slash manager slash miserable loser. He’s twenty-one and maybe he doesn’t live at home but he has exactly zero savings because of that since his paycheck goes towards basic living needs and the occasional trip to the cinema with Liam. He’d had exactly one boyfriend since he left school, and it was a complete disaster, something he never wanted to repeat again, not that it’s hard to avoid when you have no social life outside of work.  
Louis loves the café itself though, it feels like home, full of couches and armchairs and mismatched wallpaper but Louis can’t say he’d mind at all if he got to leave his job behind. He has to wake up too early to open up, on the first tube of the morning, and then he gets to spend a good majority of his waking life serving ungrateful business types and the occasional haughty psych or art major from the nearby university. His days are made somewhat bearable with Liam at his side. Liam is nothing like Louis really, kind hearted and soft and a complete hopeless romantic (even if he has had eyes for the same art student for the past three years and refuses to do anything but daydream and stare wistfully), but they fit into their friendship perfectly together. Their parents had worked together and so began the play dates, and later on the late nights admitting their deepest secrets and fears to one another and in the end, when Louis got the job at the café he’d begged and begged for his boss to hire Liam, because he simply could not function without his best friend. She’d rolled her eyes and called him a dramatic little sod, but took down Liam’s number anyway and he was hired within the week. Their boss was a wonderful woman, but she was old and her husband was sick and so Louis took the unofficial role as manager when he finished school.

It was warmer than usual that morning, at least for the beginning of winter. Louis still had his coat on but he could feel his fingers for once and he’d even managed to remember his headphones so he could listen to music on the tube, so his day was off to a good start. When Liam arrives not half an hour after Louis he’s dancing and singing along to the new Alt-J album while he sets up and there’s a smile on his face.  
“Morning, sunshine.”  
“Morning. You’re in a good mood.”  
“I’M FEELING GOOD.”  
“Loser.” Liam says, but he’s laughing.  
Louis’ good mood barely lasts a few hours though, it never seems to last nowadays. Louis had already snapped at a costumer, calling him a “rude fuckin’ twat” so Liam takes over the register because he’s far more in control of his distaste for their thankless costumers. So Louis may not be serving but he definitely notices him anyway, Harry Styles. Well, he notices his rough voice at first and it’s so damn sexy that Louis can’t help but look, and fuck, he’s kind of the most handsome and beautiful person Louis has ever seen. He practically feels his bad mood dissipate and he thinks maybe someone shouldn’t have that effect on him but he’s got such pretty eyes that Louis barely thinks about it. He’s smiling at Liam brightly, teeth and dimples and crinkled eyes and maybe Louis should stop gawking.  
“Yeah, good mate, how are you?”  
“Good, what can I get you?”  
“Something with caramel.”  
“How about a caramel hot chocolate or, um–“  
“You definitely want the salted caramel mocha, best drink around.” Louis cuts Liam off without thinking, his eyes going wide in surprise that he’d spoken up. The big-eyed boy flashes Louis a grin and he quickly hides behind the coffee machine, hiding a blush that shouldn’t be there.  
“Well then, a salted caramel mocha it is then. Also,” His eyes flash for the briefest of moments to Louis’ own, because Louis definitely isn’t staring again over the coffee machine. “If you could convince the barista to make my acquaintance at the table by the window when he’s not busy, that would be wonderful of you.”  
Louis is kind of freaking out when Harry leaves to take up residence in the aforementioned table, so is Liam.  
“Liam!” Louis whisper yells at his best friend, shock lacing his voice.  
“Louis!” Liam says back, and then he’s grinning. “You were basically eye fucking him.”  
“He’s incredible, did you see that smile? Am I dead? Is this heaven? _Who is he?_ ”  
“I think you definitely need to go and find that out.” And Liam is always right about everything, so Louis nods and shares a smile with him as he makes the mocha, almost vibrating with the warmth that fills his bones.

Harry has got his foot up on the seat, notebook resting against his knee, scribbling furiously when Louis heads over, maybe a little nervous.  
“Hi.” Louis says, because Harry hasn’t even noticed him yet, absorbed in his thoughts and he’s not really sure what else to say, _I think you’re gorgeous and if you could just come home with me tonight and never leave that would be greatly appreciated_ , maybe? Which okay, is pretty weird, because Louis does not at all have thoughts like that about anyone, let alone a stranger that walks into the café. There’s a grin on his face as soon as he hears Louis’ voice, and he’s looking up at him, gesturing to the seat across from him.  
“Sit, sit, love.” He closes the notebook, pushing himself up a bit so he can cross his legs underneath him and he’s kind of got really lovely thighs, and Louis didn’t even realise he had a thing for thighs until that moment.  
“I’m Harry Styles.”  
“Louis Tomlinson.”  
“Well, thank you for the drink, Louis.”  
“You won’t be disappointed.”  
“So, here’s the thing, I like to write about people, and I want to write about you.” Louis is shocked, and kind of confused because what the fuck, this gorgeous boy wants to write about him? And he’s just sipping nonchalantly at his drink like that is a normal thing to say.  
“Really?”  
“Definitely.” Then he groans into his mug, pressing the warm ceramic to his cheek, soaking up some of its warmth. “This is magnificent, I’m sold.”  
“Why?”  
“You have a beautiful smile.” Louis blushes again, looking down at his thighs.  
“So, you want to write about me?” He says, still trying to take it in, trying to understand.  
“Yes, mostly I just want to ask you if you’re okay with that?”  
“Do you normally ask?”  
“I– no.” He says, caught of guard, looking suddenly vulnerable and unsure, and Louis kind of wants to ask why Harry has asked him then but he doesn’t, because he looks almost scared.  
“Will you let me read it?” He asks instead. For a moment his eyes flick back over to Liam, just to check he isn’t being swamped but he’s just watching them, and he smiles widely at Louis when their eyes meet.  
“Maybe.”  
“Okay.”  
“What would you like to do with your life?” Louis slumps back into the seat, staring at Harry, letting out a soft laugh. He takes in the paper plane necklace, the swallow tattoos peaking out under his t-shirt and the tattoos scattered on his arms. His tattoos are kind of ridiculous, expect that Louis kind of loves them anyway, wants to find out why and where and when and also he wants to touch them. Maybe it has to do with the fact that right up there on his unobtainable list of dreams is to get tattoos.  
“That’s a big one, I’m not sure you want to get me started on that. I want to get a tattoo, or five, or a hundred.” He tells Harry, because it’s at the front of his mind. “I want to be able to buy my sisters over the top Christmas presents. Most of all though, I just want to travel.”  
“Where to?”  
“Everywhere.”  
“What’s your top destination though?”  
“Sydney.” He doesn’t have to think about it; he’s spent years daydreaming. “I want to spend days wandering around the city, lounging on Bondi beach, or Manly, waking up late to a view of the ocean.”  
“That sounds like a wonderful dream.”  
It’s getting busy again and Niall doesn’t start for another hour so Louis stands up unwillingly.  
“My coffee making duties call.”  
“Come back?”  
“If I can.” He says, nodding and he really, really hopes he can. Harry touches Louis’ knee, eyes seeming to sparkle in the light.  
“Thank you.” Harry tells him and he’s not sure exactly what Harry is thanking him for, so he just smiles.  
Liam mouths an ‘oh my God’ to Louis as he joins him back behind the counter, knocking their hips together but says no more as Louis tries his best to focus. He messes up more than usual though, spilling drinks or burning milk or himself and he’s glad when Niall shows up for his shift. Niall has only worked with them for a few months, but Louis and Liam love him to pieces already, and Louis thinks maybe their boss had hired Niall because she knew they’d all get along so well.  
“Niall, oh you’ve missed so much.” Liam tells him as he dumps his bag in the small back room.  
“Oh?”  
“Louis is in love.”  
“Oh my God, no!”  
“Do I need to remind you what you were saying earlier?”  
“Fuck off.”  
“Wait so who is Lou in love with?” Niall asks confused and Louis just huffs and stomps back to the register, letting his friend’s gossip as he serves.  
“Go have your break, be with your man.” Niall says when they both come back and Louis hits him on the shoulder but he’s looking over at Harry again who is still writing quickly in his notebook, completely absorbed in his own little world. So he makes him and Harry drinks and takes them over, slipping into the chair with a sigh of relief, feeling the ache of his back lessen just a tiniest amount. Harry looks up when he hears Louis sigh and there’s a smile on his lips again.  
“Hi again. You okay?”  
“Hmm, tired.” He says, letting his eyes slip closed for a moment.  
“Have you worked here long?”  
“Too long, it’s been five years now. I honestly don’t know what happened, this was never my life plan.”  
“Thanks for the drink, by the way.”  
“You’re welcome. What about you, huh, Mr. Harry Styles?”  
“What about me?”  
“Who are you? Who do you want to be? What do you do?”  
“I’m not sure.” There’s so much uncertainty in his voice, just like Louis had heard earlier, when he’d caught Harry off guard and it makes Louis think that maybe this boy, so full of life and confidence, is hiding a lot more than he’d like to let on.  
“You seem magnificent.” He tells him truthfully, because he feels like it’s what he needs to hear, even if that seems obvious to Louis maybe Harry doesn’t realise it, which sort of makes Louis’ chest hurt.  
“Harry!” Both Harry and Louis look up suddenly, and there is the boy Liam is basically in love with, a bit of stubble gracing his jawline that kind of looks magnificent, and Louis doesn’t have to look to know Liam is watching them, because Liam probably knows his voice as well as anyone.  
“Zayn, mate, what are you doing here?” Harry says, the smile back and the uncertainty gone from his voice.  
“Oh, y’know…” He trails off with a noncommittal shrug and something clicks for Harry and he smirks.  
“Oh, I see, _Liam_.” All three pairs of eyes trail back to the counter and indeed as Louis had thought; Liam’s eyes are already on them. And Louis can’t help but grin, because finally this boy has a name and he knows Harry and he’s told Harry about Liam. He is totally head over heels for Liam too, is the thing, Louis knows almost nothing about Zayn but he can see the looks he gives Liam, the same one Liam returns but they’re both as hopeless as one another. So Louis jumps up, grabbing Zayn’s wrist and dragging him towards the counter.  
“So, Zayn? I’m Louis, Liam’s best friend.”  
“Uh, yeah, um–” Louis cuts off his confused blabbering though as they stand in front of Liam who is staring rather wide-eyed at the pair.  
“Zayn, I would like you to officially meet the man of your dreams and your future husband, Liam Payne.” Louis has never seen Liam blush so much in his life, Niall is trying to hide his laugh as he plates a croissant but Louis can see his shoulders shaking.  
“Oh my goodness.”  
“You are both completely hopeless so Zayn, when Liam gets off at five you’re taking him out, okay? He likes Thai food and horror films.”  
“Okay.” Zayn says, and he’s blushing just as bright as Liam, but they’re both smiling bashfully.  
“Today is weird.” Is all Liam can get out.  
Harry is leaning over his chair staring at the scene with a smile when Louis leaves them to go back to his seat across from Harry. Harry smiles a lot Louis realises and he loves that life seems to be able to make him smile that way.  
“Did I just witness the start of the mushiest, most adorable relationship of all time?”  
“You definitely did.”  
Louis slumps back into the chair again, and asks if what Harry has written, if he’s boring to write about but he just shakes his head and presses the notebook against his thigh protectively.  
“Not yet.”  
“At some point?”  
“Maybe.” He tells Louis again.  
It goes on like that for hours, Harry sitting in the corner with his notepad, or chatting with Louis when he has a moment to spare and it seems so easy, talking and laughing and maybe even flirting a little (even if it has them both blushing and trying to hide grins). Louis is kind of reserved around strangers; he’d built up his own walls that kept him safe but somehow Harry had walked straight through them like they weren’t even there and even if Louis was enjoying himself, he was kind of terrified.  
And then Harry is gone.  
He glances over to the table Harry had been situated at for a majority of the day and he finds the armchair empty. Something sinks in his chest and the smile that had barely left his face for much of the day is quickly gone as he realises he had every reason to be terrified.  
“Oh.” He says, because he should know better, he should know that boys like Harry, beautiful and intelligent and witty and likeable, they don’t just come into his life. Maybe Harry had wanted to write about Louis but that didn’t mean he’d found anything he liked, didn’t mean he wanted anything more, and Louis felt stupid for even wanting that from someone he didn’t know, who shouldn’t mean anything to him. He doesn’t mention it to Liam or Niall but Liam catches on quickly.  
“Oh, Lou.”  
“It’s fine.” Though it isn’t. Not because Harry had left but because Louis knows better than to get caught up in his emotions and he’d done it anyway.

Zayn is standing close to Liam as Louis locks up but Louis pulls Liam away and hugs him tightly.  
“Love you, Li.”  
“Love you too, Lou. Thank you.”  
“Have fun, yeah?”  
“See you tomorrow. Call me if you need me.” Louis gives him a kiss on the cheek before he lets the pair go, and he watches them for a moment, watches the way they seem to gravitate towards each other, the way when Zayn finally takes Liam’s hand and laces their fingers together there’s a smile on his best friends face like he’s never seen before and for a moment he’s able to feel happy for his best friend. Liam is careful about relationships but this is Zayn and it seems somehow different, so Louis lets Liam throw himself into it, knows that Zayn will be there to keep him stable.  
Louis feels kind of lost all of a sudden, and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt so alone as he takes the tube home and crawls straight into bed. He doesn’t care that it’s barely six when he gets home. He can’t sleep though and he tries not to think about that stupid boy, though Harry is all that seems to consume his mind. As a rule, Louis doesn’t cry, but that night he can’t stop it.

Louis doesn’t want to get up, he’d barely slept a wink and his muscles and bones and head hurt, but he forces himself to anyway. It’s cold again, just like winter in England always is, and at least the numbness of his fingers and his nose takes away from the numbness in his chest.

Harry is leaning against the door when Louis arrives at work, he’s got Barcelona’s album Absolutes on repeat because it kind of numbs the feeling in his chest the way the cold does. Harry’s huddled up in a big coat and scarf, hands tucked deep in his pockets.  
“Harry?” Louis kind of wants to cry in relief when he sees Harry, the unexplainable physical pain lifting instantly from his chest.  
“Lou, Lou, Lou.” Harry says in a sing-song voice. “I’ve been a busy man.”  
“How so?” And then, “I’m glad you came back.”  
“I couldn’t stop myself.” Louis wonders if maybe Harry spent the night feeling the same as he had, because despite the happiness in his voice he’s not smiling. Louis just wants to see his dimples again. He lets them into the coffee shop, switching on the lights and cranking up the heat and Harry slides behind the counter like he’s meant to be there, sits himself down on it, legs dangling over the edge.  
“Why did you leave yesterday?” Louis has to ask, because Harry isn’t talking and it’s all he’s been thinking about and he just needs to know.  
“I’m sorry. I get so stuck in my head sometimes and I just needed to do some things, were you angry I just disappeared?”  
“Something like that.” He says, because he was so much more than angry but he has no right to feel that way so he doesn’t tell him.  
Harry pulls an envelope out from his jacket pocket and pokes Louis arm with it, handing it over to him. Louis rips open the envelope and inside is a handful of papers and as he reads over them he realises what it is, a flight itinerary for himself and for Harry. He wonders how the heck Harry got his information he needed, his full name and date of birth, he wonders if Zayn and Liam had something to do with that.  
“What’s this?” He asks.  
“Let’s go to Sydney. Let’s get tattoos. Let’s send your sisters presents, not just on Christmas but because we can. Let’s send Zayn and Liam postcards from every city in the world.”  
“Is this a joke?”  
“I’m serious, Lou. I– my dad, he passed away and I don’t know what to do with myself most of the time now.”  
“Why are you doing this though, why me?”  
“I want an adventure.” Louis isn’t sure why Harry wants an adventure; he seems like an adventure in himself. “I’m not sure about a lot, but I’m so sure about you, and about doing this.” Harry slides off the bench and places something down and Louis realises it’s his notebook.  
“Just say yes.”

_You are everything. You feel like summer and smell like the middle of spring and I don’t doubt that you taste as sweet as a salted caramel mocha._

Louis doesn’t read any more because he’s running out of the café, passing by a confused Liam. Louis heart is pounding like it never has before and it’s a fleeting thought but it passes through his mind nonetheless, maybe love at first sight isn’t such a ridiculous idea. Harry is standing at the lights and Louis just manages to catch his wrist. He spins around, eyes glazing with something Louis can’t decipher, maybe the same love Louis can feel hammering in his ears.  
“Yes.”


End file.
